Give the people what they want

UPDATE: Looking for the words to seafaring/philosophizing drinking songs? You've come to the right place. Want moving pictures you can sing along with? Go here.

Ever since I installed my site meter (thanks, fish!) I’ve noticed that, with the exception of the five people who actually come here on purpose, most of the traffic to my blog is from search engines. The first few times that I saw 'Google' or some such listed in the ‘referring URL,’ I had a Navin R. Johnson “The new phone books are here!” moment: Wow, people are actually looking on Google to find out what I think about stuff. I am so important. So relevant. Things are going to start happening for me now.

Turns out, though, that they’re mostly looking for the words to drinking songs. Primarily the drinking song from
Jaws. The hell? Don’t get me wrong. I love Jaws. It’s on my list. (What? It’s not? Okay, now it’s on my list.) Jaws is a lot of things--a wunderkind director's ambitious big-screen debut, a genuinely great summer movie, a rollicking seafaring adventure--but I just don’t think of it as the source of drinking-song lyrics so famous or obscure that they merit, y'know, googling. I mean, are the people looking for this song doing a paper for school? Do they need something to sing while they sit around with their pals comparing scars and knocking back rot-gut rye? Just strikes me as a bit odd, is all I'm saying.*

In any case, I saw this as a chance, given lemons, to not only make lemonade, but set up a virtual lemonade stand. I get an easy way to feel validated about having updated my blog (I’m beginning to think that if Ben Franklin were alive today, he’d lump blog posts in with houseguests and fish, vis-à-vis, their respective shelf lives) and ostensibly to perform a public service for the random passers-by, whom I hope to spare a few mouse clicks. We here at ADS welcome you with a laurel and hardy handshake, and hope you enjoy your stay. When your blog is called ‘A Drinking Song,’ apparently it's reasonable to presume a certain level of hospitality, a higher standard of service, if you will, than your usual, everyday blog content of me, me, me, all day, all night, in stereo.

Here then is the song from Jaws and, as a bonus for those who order before midnight tonight,
the Monty Python Philosophers Drinking Song. Cheers!

Show Me the Way to Go Home

Show me the way to go home (bum, bum),
I’m tired and I wanna go to bed,
I had a little drink about an hour ago
and it went right to my head.

Where ever I may roam, (bum bum)
by land or sea or foam,
you can always hear me singing this song,
show me the way to go home…

The Philosophers Drinking Song

Emmanuel Kant was a real pissant
who was very rarely stable
Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
who could drink you under the table
David Hume could out-consume
Schopenhauer and Hegel
And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel.

There’s nothing Nietzsche couldn’t teach ye
‘bout the raisin o’ the wrist
Socrates himself was permanently pissed.

And John Stewart Mill (of his own free will)
On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill
Plato, they say, could stick it away:
Half a crate of whiskey every day
Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle
Hobbes was fond of his dram
And Rene Descartes was a drunken fart:
“I drink, therefore I am!”

Yes, Socrates himself is particularly missed:
A lovely little thinker

But a bugger when he’s pissed!

*So, if you've found what you were looking for, how about a little something, y'know, for the effort? Leave a brief explanation in the virtual tip jar otherwise known as the comments section and you could qualify for that most coveted holy of holies: total consciousness. Which is what I suspect brought you here in the first place.


Danny said...

Awesome. I love that song. I love how Dick Dreyfuss stumbles through it in a drunken, silly stupor: "I hadannotherdrinkbouthourago"

Funny enough, I think I actually have googled it before. It's fantastic. And to think the whole scene was written last minute by the actors (if my Jaws lore is correct)!

Ed said...

That's not a bad thing that your 5 people that you meet in heaven show up. It's actually important in some ways that they do and do so without comment. Understand that we are here to see how you are doing, what you are up to and to perhaps assist in times of need. Not everyone will drop money in your cyber hat as tunes from your digital banjo echo through the steets of the information superhighway. But here's a virtual quarter if it makes you feel any better. Now, as far as your writing is concerned I hope that you have no worries. For you are a fantastic writer (as are the other 3 people that you meet in heaven, I will not include myself here). Your content is humorous and has a truly unique perspective on the world. I wish that I could write half as well. So keep on keepin on and know that we are always here, watching and reading. Don't feel bad about the audience who seek you out or their queries, most of my mine are from entomologists.

fish said...

In the spirit of shark hunting, I will give you a concept perfected by a blogger friend of mine (, that is Google Chumming. It is a way to increase hit rates to your web site. This might help your traffic a bit:

Brittany Spears nude
Angelina Jolie nude
tentacle sex
Dick Cheney shotgun
monkey porn

Don't know if the last one will help, but it always makes me laugh...

A good meme is coming up with sentences that will maximize the google chum.

Mr. Middlebrow said...

I think in Richard (or does he prefer Dick?) Dreyfuss we were seeing a master method actor at work. And I'm totally buying those guys improving that whole bit, soley on the sheer coolness of the notion.

FWIW, the plea for comments was intended more for everyone other than you and the rest of the fab five. I'm just (semi) curious about what people need with the words to drinking songs from movies. And I have this perverse desire to see what happens when people find what they're looking for in such an unlikely place as this. Still, it's nice of you to say such swell things (Stop, you're embarrassing me![/jon lovitz]).

monkey porn is funny; its proximity to 'Dick Cheney shotgun' makes it art.

Mister Underhill said...

"me, me, me, all day, all night, in stereo.

It's too bad I have exceeded the maximum number of blog title changes already....

fish said...

monkey porn is funny; its proximity to 'Dick Cheney shotgun' makes it art.

Just a small Dada moment.

Dennis Cozzalio said...

I also like Quint's little ditty about swimmin' with bowlegged wimmin, and I'll never hear "Farewell and adieu to you fair Spanish ladies..." without thinking of Robert Shaw.

Please, no more monkey porn....

hotmilk said...

This is fantastic, v amusing. Have been reading lots for dissertion so is great to revel in the pretention of Philosophy ribbing!! God I love jaws its been too long, now im tired and wanna go to bed..hoho

Anonymous said...

You already knew why people look up these lyrics before you stated the question. I just want some good easy drinking songs. It gives me something to do those times when I cant walk..

Anonymous said...

You nailed it...that's how I ended up on your cow-orker likes to quote the Jaws song, so I thought I'd look it up.

thank you for being groovy about it...I'll come back for the rest :)

Anonymous said...

Well Sir...I found your site through Google...just as you figured. I am doing my first Alcatraz Sharkfest swim on June 10th and thought it would be fun to sing this song on the ferry while heading to be dropped off at Alcatraz. Something to put good thoughts into everyone's heads. Thanks!